Looks Like it’s Happening
II'm not sure why I felt compelled to take so many pregnancy tests or why I thought the answer might differ with another brand. We have been trying to conceive for the past eight months, but now that the moment has arrived, I find myself feeling scared. The thought of becoming a mother terrifies me, and I'm worried about repeating the patterns I saw in my own mother. I love my boyfriend deeply, but I also harbor resentment towards him for not following through with my engagement. I care about him immensely, yet I struggle with the possibility of ever forgiving him.
I’m feeling extremely bloated and have gained 20 pounds within the first month. My nipples are swollen and sore, and my breasts have become significantly larger. I’m looking for support and advice from anyone who has experienced similar challenges. My hormones seem to be fluctuating wildly, and my temper is on edge; I find myself feeling angry and overwhelmed. Despite my desire to avoid these negative emotions, I’m struggling with resentment toward my partner given my current situation.
He wants to keep the baby, but just a week ago, I was seriously considering leaving him. I’ve been conflicted about whether to take legal action against him due to past abuses that resulted in his imprisonment. I called 911 after an incident where he hurt me, but at the time, I still loved him and held onto the hope for our relationship. He even bought me an engagement ring shortly before the police arrived, an act that now feels manipulative since he ultimately canceled it the next day since he was arrested.
In the weeks leading to his court date, my emotions have been chaotic. I didn’t realize that what I was experiencing was linked to my hormones, or that I was pregnant. My anger stemmed from deep hurt; he caused me physical harm and I have struggled with the aftermath. While he may not remember those moments due to substance use, my feelings remain complicated. This person is the one I love and have shared so much of myself with over the past year. Our relationship has been a mix of friendship and conflict—it's passionate and tumultuous, marked by moments of both deep affection and intense disagreement.
I seek to understand and resolve my feelings, aiming for a path that fosters personal peace and clarity. Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
However, I must be firm in my boundaries; I cannot tolerate being mistreated or exploited. Additionally, I have concerns for our child's well-being. If he struggles to care for me, how will he be capable of caring for our child?
