WHERE IS MY MIND..

When you fall in love, everything goes out the window.

I used to be calm. Rational. I used to think I’d never be that girl—the one screaming, crying, unraveling. But here I am. And I barely recognize myself.

I don’t like who I’ve become in this relationship.
I hate how easily I snap. How loud my voice gets.
How the tears come out of nowhere.
How my body goes into panic mode before I even know why.

But I’m not crazy. I’m not just emotional for no reason.
I am reacting to being manipulated. Lied to. Gaslit. Abandoned.
I am reacting to living in survival mode.

I’m in a relationship with someone who plays mind games.
Someone who triggers me, provokes me, and then calls me the problem.
Someone who pushes me to the edge and then says,
“See? Look how crazy you are.”

There’s a reason I’m acting like this.
Because I’ve been put through hell.
Because I’ve been treated like I’m disposable, like my pain doesn’t matter.
Because I’ve been screamed at, blamed, ignored, cheated on, and still expected to stay calm.

So no—I’m not proud of the version of me that’s been coming out lately.
But I also know she’s not the problem.
She’s the alarm going off in a burning building.

And I’m done apologizing for trying to survive the fire.

K.