UNRAVELING…

Lately, things have taken another dark turn with M. He’s been accusing me of stealing his watches — a pattern that feels less about the watches and more about his spiraling mindset. I can’t be around him when he’s like this — manic, erratic, and volatile.

The night before, he didn’t sleep at all. He was up all night, likely doing drugs again. At 5 a.m., he punched me in the arm and kept jolting me awake. He started doing jumping jacks in the bedroom, then went outside at sunrise to lift weights and do push-ups like he was in some kind of manic training montage.

I keep wondering: is he smoking meth again? Because that’s how it feels. His energy is scattered and intense, like he’s powered by something darker than caffeine or adrenaline.

It’s terrifying living in this kind of instability — never knowing what version of him I’ll wake up to.

Later that day, his uncle flew in — and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be around both of them. The tension, the accusations, the chaos… it was too much. So I packed a bag and left.

Thankfully, a friend of mine is in New York for the month and offered to let me stay at her place. It’s quiet here. Peaceful. And for the first time in a long time, I can breathe.

It’s nice to have a break from him — from all of it. But even in the quiet, my head hurts. My heart hurts. I’m tired in a way that sleep can’t fix. I’m trying to hold myself together, but some days I feel like I’m unraveling.

I love him. I hate that I love him. When will this get easier? It just seems to be getting worse.

I spoke with a psychic and she told me that he was going to leave for a trip and continue disappointing me — and she was right. The very next day, he flew to New York and admitted to cheating on me.

Then he posted a story — a 17-video montage of his ex-girlfriend. Him holding her. Him kissing her. Him writing “a boy loves a girl.” He doesn’t even follow her. She doesn’t follow him. This wasn’t for her — this was for me. To hurt me. And it worked.

I’m four months pregnant. He has not been around at all during my pregnancy. And this is what I’m dealing with.

How do you love someone who clearly wants to destroy you?

I’m starting to realize that I’m the one unraveling now. I’m the one breaking down. My mind feels numb. Detached. Lost. The building next to where I parked caught on fire… and I found myself wondering: did I somehow cause this? Did he curse me? Is the chaos just following me, or am I falling into it?

I don’t want much. I just want to be married to a man who loves me — who chooses me. Someone who can take care of me, protect me, be a good father. I miss being in love. I miss feeling safe. I miss being happy.

HE ADMITTED SLEEPING WITH 9 GIRLS. what did i do to deserve this? Is this just the behavior of an addict? Is anyone else going through this?