I never thought.. this is what it would be like..
Here I am—pregnant, alone, and trying to make sense of the chaos M left in his wake.
When we found out I was pregnant, I believed we were going to step up—together. Build something solid, prepare for our child. Instead, he packed his bags and left for Sunset Tower, a hotel in Los Angeles. What man spends over a week in a hotel when he multimilllion dollar home in the same city. He was avoiding me. I also found out he packed his Cialis, he brought his penis pills to the hotel.
Next he left with out a word for San Francisco. No plan, no check-in. Just gone.
He ghosted me for a month during the scariest time of my life. I was pregnant from month 2-3. The hormones, emotions, worrying if hes cheating - who he is with - what he doing. He wouldn’t write back or even give me any reassurance.
While I was dealing with doctor’s appointments, anxiety, and the weight of what it means to grow a life—he was living it up at the Sunset Tower Hotel. I later found out he was taking Cialis. No, not for me. Not for us. He made it clear with his actions that he was out chasing someone else, while I was home dealing with the reality he helped create.
When he finally came back, he didn’t bring flowers or an apology.
He brought a rash.
A visible, suspicious rash that confirmed what my gut had been screaming for weeks. I don't care how many excuses he gives—there’s no trust when you come home with a problem that needs antibiotics.
This isn’t just a relationship issue anymore. This is about health. About safety. About the example we’re setting for the child we’re bringing into the world.
I’ve asked myself over and over: why does he get to walk away, party, cheat, and leave me to clean up the emotional and physical mess?
I’m still waiting for the answer.
But what I do know is this: I deserve better. My child deserves better. And no matter how messy or painful this gets, I will fight for our future—one that is honest, stable, and rooted in love, not lies.
It is just hard because I do love him, and you can not control who you love. It hurts - and I am alone now - and it hurts even worse.